Something I Hate About Myself.
When I decided I was going to do this challenge again, I said I’d try to find the entries from 2011 when I did it the first time. I found some of them, not all 30 days. I wanted to see if my feelings, thoughts, decisions, actions had changed at all.
30 Days of Truth~Something I Hate About Myself (Original post-July 15, 2011)
There is a myriad of things I hate about myself and to try to narrow it down to just one is beyond difficult. So after I posted the entry itemizing the daily “truths”, I sat down and made a list. The thing that kept coming up was that I am too emotional.
So, for Day #1, I HATE that I am too emotional…
Being emotional can be a good thing or in my case, it is probably the ONE thing that causes me the most problems. I cry easily, I get angry even easier. And then there is anxiety, frustration, … you get the picture.
I also HATE that I have a difficult time controlling my emotions. There are times when I can be in a situation and I’m good, another time, I’m off the freakin wall.
So, yeah, I HATE that I am too emotional. Now that I’ve admitted it, I gotta find a way to get and keep a handle on it. Next to impossible…*sigh*
Yes, I am still emotional, my emotions are quite visible in everything I do. From taking care of my family to my personal health and well-being to the things I write about. I am now, have always been and will forever be an emotional person.
Recently the most obvious emotion has been anger. I’m angry at the way the people in the United States are being treated by the executive branch of the government. That anger had begun to consume me and once I admitted that, I had to make some changes. I’ve stopped following anything that could be considered political on Facebook. That was a huge step for me because I am a keyboard activist. I write letters to my representatives like there is no tomorrow (for some people, that could soon be a reality).
Even though I am an overly emotional person, I am a strong person too. It used to be when I’d get angry or sad or frustrated or have an anxiety attack I had to learn how to control those actions at least until I was alone. It used to be the only place I would cry was in the shower. I figured with the running water, no one could hear the heart-wrenching sobs coming out of my 5’2″ frame. Thankfully, 16 years ago, someone cared enough to figure out what I was doing and I’ve not had to save my tears for the shower.
Now? Now I have two very strong arms to hold me when I’m running the gamut of my emotions no matter what cycle I’m going through. And it is more often than not that he knows there is something going on even before I’m willing to admit it to myself. He also knows when to call me on my shit or to let me work through what is going on.
Yes, I STILL hate that I am too emotional, however, it’s nice to have someone walking next to you to help you realize the emotions and then work through them.